“I choose to risk my significance”

Well, hey y’all! I just got back from a “Sabbatical” in Dallas and it sure was wonderful! I stayed away from my phone and social media to just really be present and soak up whatever I felt like God wanted me to hear! And it rocked. Naturally. I mean, you might argue that sabbaticals belong only to old men pastors but you’ve OBVIOUSLY never taken a sabbatical yourself. It’s scary to be quiet and still–you don’t know what you might hear in the void. But I promise it’s worth it.

One thing I found this week was a poem that has completely shocked my senses. These few lines are exactly what I need to hear on a daily basis.

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

-dawn markova

NEVER take life advice from movie trailers: a short tale of awkwardness

Did you ever see “We Bought A Zoo,” that Matt Damon movie where, spoiler alert, they buy a zoo?

Well, as of last summer, I had just seen the trailer. (Just remember this little fact.)

I was working at a really cool advertising agency in downtown Dallas (remember that?) and really wanted to connect & especially meet people my age during the summer. This may sound literally elementary (I’m talking Kindergarten), but I never get tired of making new friends! If my life was constantly like an episode of Arthur, I’d be okay with that.


But okay, let’s be real. There was also a guy.

I know that I’m practically creating a self-fulfilling prophecy when I say this, but if I’m being honest, I’m kind of awkward around guys I’m interested in. I always seem to ignore those I’m into and literally go completely out of my way to avoid them. It’s really stupid, yes. (And also I know it’s super popular for girls to be like “Giggle, I’m so awkward but that makes me cute and adorkable! Giggle!” (for reference, watch anything with Zooey Deschanel) and I rebuke that. “Adorkable” is the worst word mashup on the planet. Maybe even worse than “gradumacated.”)

Texas guy had a desk directly behind mine and was super interesting to me. Mainly because he was an introvert (gasp!) and thus, an absolute enigma. (Yep, I’m apparently very easily fascinated.) On the very first day of my internship, I told myself that my summer goal was to become friends with him. Gotta love summer goals.

Day two of the internship, I was ready to get my plan into motion. But how could I go up and talk to him without it being totally psycho? Well, in case I ever write a book about how to be scary/awkward, step one: use the resources (or lack thereof) around you. My desk was missing a trashcan, so NATURALLY, the best and most organic topic to first start talking to someone is missing trash receptacles.

I went on a decoy trip to the restroom and in the 9 second walk to Texas Guy’s desk, I kept telling myself the stupid mantra from “We Bought A Zoo.”


Not actually that bad of a motto…

YES. I used a line from a MOVIE TRAILER to support my plan to introduce myself to a guy. Not the movie itself. A movie TRAILER. But was that stopping me from completely adopting the motto and running with it? Of course not!

I marched over to his desk, quickly said something awkwardly jumbled like “So, my desk is missing a trash can. Where did you get yours? I’m Kelsy by the way,” tried to make more small talk, and then later returned to my desk. Yeah, I’m really suave.

Long story (and long summer) short, with him, I learned that sometimes “enigmatic” can sometimes just mean “fake.” (To hear those stories, just enroll in my Doc Moe’s, my old boss, Intro to COMM class. She legitimately tells them there, as they’re pretty crazy.)

But hey, in case you were wondering, I got a trashcan for my desk.

Remember that one time I was in Dallas?


I’ve never understood why people have indoor potted plants. It’s far too much of a hassle to water them, make sure they have sun, and…actually, that’s probably all the steps in plant care, but still. Is there a weird oxygen deficiency in your house? Is your life so relationally empty that you tend to plants for affirmation? No? Then stop having houseplants! It’s so 1974.

However, in a way, this blog is like my potted plant…and alas, it needs some TLC! I haven’t posted about life here in Dallas for ages practically!

I mean…this counts?

Short version: I’m now married! And pregnant! It was a shotgun wedding obviously (…when in Texas…)

Long version: Mom, in case you’re reading this, let me assert that none of the above is true. Dallas is growing on me, although it definitely doesn’t give off the big city vibe I imagined it would. I guess that’s the thing with commuter cities because whenever I’m downtown I’m working all day & then by the time I get off work, I’m exhausted and have to drive home. I don’t have the energy (or freedom for that matter) to wander around downtown Dallas like I’m in a delightful cinematic montage.

I cannot believe my birthday is in less than a week! I’m excited to turn 21 because that means that not only do I have to write a new bio section for this blog, but I’ll be taken more seriously (as much as someone with a slight Minnie Mouse voice is ever taken). I’m tired of everyone saying things like “Oh, you’re 20? You’re still just a baby.”  Thank you for being condescending, you older person, you.

As for work, among (many) learning experiences, I’m also realizing how to be a team player. That’s never really been my thing. I’m super competitive to a fault. I hated when my parents forced me to do team sports because I thought the other kids were the total worst.In 4th grade, I stayed a second season in soccer literally ONLY for the snacks.

Mia Hamm, I was not.

Finally in late middle school, my parents stopped making me play soccer, basketball, and volleyball when they put me in martial arts, where my main competition was myself. That was pretty successful. (I punched a girl in the face once by accident. Whoops.)

Even this past semester in my internship seminar class, I told the entire class of 40 other COMM majors that they’d work for me one day. That actually happened. What a jerk move, self!

Although ambition and competition aren’t bad, I had gotten to the point where I saw peers as opportunities to show up rather than actual people. Lots of pride, all up in here. But yeah, I’m learning to be not like that! Go team and all that! Woo!

Andddd I still go to bed mega early every night. Coworkers always asks if I have fun plans for after work and I’m like “Are you crazy? All I want to do is go home, slap on some comfy clothes, and watch Big Bang Theory until it’s light out at  10.”

I’m truly living the YOLO life here in Dallas.

New Conspiracy: JFK never really died.

JFK must have had a decoy handmaiden too.

(They pulled a Star Wars.)

Just kidding. I like conspiracy theories as much as the next person (if that next person happens to Jesse Ventura), but I just don’t get the hoopla with the JFK conspiracy. Whether or not there were 1, 2, 65 shots and/or shooters, he still died. There’s nothing mysterious about that.

Dallas has been great so far; today is my 2nd “All by myself day,” as my family left Friday morning. Dallas has a ton of places & restaurants I completely forgot existed! It’s like living in a hotter, more Western version of Atlanta. Being here reminds me yet again how much I love big cities (maybe by the end of the summer I’ll change my mind given my awful commute every morning but…) So many options and choices! I made a list of things I have to do here:

  • Go to IKEA

    IKEA is heavenly…unless you go on a Saturday.

  • Ranger’s Game

    Sorry Nashville Sounds, but you’re lame. MLB games are where it’s at.

  • Six Flags Over Dallas  Continue reading

I promise to not make any “Everything’s Bigger in Texas” jokes.

Enjoy this picture of a plotting poodle.

I leave for Dallas in a mere 4 days! I’m actually excited about it now; it’s going to be such an adventure and fresh start. Who knows, maybe I’ll love Texas so much that I’ll name my future kid Dallas! (…That was a joke. I’d never do that.)

Where have I been for the last week?

Well, good question! I visited my friend Lauren in Louisville, KY for a few days and had a grand old time and then I drove to Cleveland, TN to spend time with my friend Arielle & all the other Lee students still in town for the summer. I love driving long distances so much. There’s just something so freeing about driving through places you’ve never been before, and one of my favorite activities of all time is driving at night through cities (while listening to great music, of course. Thank God John Mayer’s new album “Born & Raised” was released during my trip!) In my book, independence is the freedom to go wherever, whenever.

Back at home now, my sister graduates high school tomorrow, so everything has been all about her preparing for her party. I’m the decorator, a title I hold with great gravitas. Not trying to brag, but this party is going to be so beautiful that angels would cry if they saw all the decor. The colors are yellow, dusty pink, and burlap, with an overall antique, vintage feel. I’m going to ROCK this party.  I’m mega stoked.

A “real” post coming soon! And it won’t be about Lee, I promise!

I think I may be the voice of my generation. (Or a voice. Of a generation…)

Let’s face it: I’m banking on being the next Oprah. (I’d even settle for being the next Tina Fey.) Because of my obviously aggrandized self-concept, I feel the burden of  sharing my favorite things of April with all of you. Maybe it’ll change your life! Regardless, this is good practice for when I have my own talk show. (Seriously, I need to get famous asap so that I can write a hilarious bestselling memoir! Who would buy a memoir by a random college aged girl?)

So, here, like Oprah’s List of Favorite Things, is mine. If I was rich enough to buy you all of this AND give you a car, I would:

You will literally never regret this candle.

Pink magnolia candles from Target! I bought one as a housewarming gift…to myself. It’s fabulous.

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