Tag Archives: sarcasm

The Time I Tried SIX Dating Sites at Once PART TWO

Posted in Everyday Life by

So by now, you’ve probably read part one of this indelible gimmick series, but let me catch you up: My goal was answer the questions: “Why are people afraid to online date?,” “What are people REALLY looking for on these sites?,” and finally “Why do people respond the way they do?”

 I had some fun on Match.com & was totally creeped out by SeekingArrangement, but the real testing of my hypotheses came from this batch of dating sites–ok, namely OkCupid.

It’s been SO fun to read everyone’s reactions! Several of y’all have since commented and told me that you’ve met YOUR significant other from online dating–which makes all this a bit more intimidating! ha, I don’t want to somehow disavow the entire system, because, hey, it actually works for lots of people!

Let’s get the reviews of the boring sites out of the way so we can focus in on the good stuff/research. FIRST, listen to John Mayer’s new song which oddly works with online dating, “Who You Love.” Because John Mayer.

eharmony_logo

While I must give eHarmony points for having the best design & layout, as well as really interesting profile questions, it was the worst site for my experiment. Why? Even with the free trial period of a week or so, NOTHING HAPPENED. I had about 8 matches, but other than a stray wink (like I told you, it’s online dating currency), nothing happened with any of them. I learned in this experiment that an “unspoken rule” is that girls don’t message guys first, but with eHarmony, you have to pay to do ANYTHING but wink. I’m not sure if it’s because I couldn’t see my matches pictures or the fact that none of them were even remotely close to my age or city, but I quickly stopped liking eHarmony. Maybe it’s best for people who are looking for a super serious relationship–not just random 22 year olds doing a bog experiment.

Highlight: Well, the design WAS pretty cool. 

logo_chemistryNew

 YAWN. An affiliate of match.com, I decided to try it in order to learn “world-renowned biological anthropologist” Dr. Helen Fisher’s “scientific formula” to love. I also love personality tests, so I was all about filling out that profile. The test is awfully similar to the Big 5 personality test, so sadly, that was kind of unrevolutionary. Chemisty.com shows you people who, based on your personality results, would be THE perfect match for you. Unfortunately, the whole site was one big commercial. Although affiliated with Match.com, you have to pay EVEN MORE MONEY in order to actually see your matches. I’m not buying your tricks, Chemistry.com (literally AND figuratively.)

Highlights: None whatsoever. Figure out your Myers-Brigg type to have even more fun than this site. (I’m an ENTJ). 

christianmingle-com-increases-membership

“Christian Mingle is the Club Penguin of online dating” by my partner in crime, Katie Foust of Artistical Thoughts

Or at least that was my first thought about the site because it was so… safe. Too ‘safe,’ actually. The about me section was a series of drop-down menu options so there’s no room for explanation or personalization there. You do get to type out which TV shows you enjoy watching.

When you upload pictures you have to wait at least 24 hours for them to be approved. You could also mail in a physical copy of the picture and they would scan and upload it for you.
When someone was interested in me they could send me a “Smile.” I could either respond with a smile or choose one of their responses. These responses allowed you to show interest in the person, turn them down, or throw a Bible verse at them.  I got the occasional message, but I couldn’t read it unless I paid to upgrade.

I eventually decided that using Club Penguin was a better way to meet people online. You can talk to people without paying, be a penguin of your favorite color, choose your favorite activities and where you want to spend your time. You have the opportunity to earn and be responsible with finances. And you also get to decorate a house the way you’d like (which speaks volumes about who you are and your personality).

AT LAST, here’s the real research I found, all thanks to a little site called OkCupid.

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Oh, OkCupid. Very free (minus an unnecessary “A-List” optional fee to help you sort people by body type, etc), extremely popular, and SO FUN (if you enjoy trolling like me). Out of all my accounts, I still have this one…I know I should probably delete it, but it’s just so intriguing.

I’ll show you a few screenshots of my profile, which were pretty normal & totally representative of me. Some people (namely my brother) thought that maybe I lied on profiles for this experiment, which is totally untrue. Each profile was 100% me!

Screen shot 2013-08-14 at 11.03.34 PM

(My profile name was pretty horrible, I know.)

Screen shot 2013-08-05 at 1.35.53 PM*(Okay, I’ll tell you what an MPDG is–Manic Pixie Dream Girls is this stupid film writing trope that classifies women  as “that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures.” Think I’m being weird? Case in point–every guy who ever is in love with Zooey Deschanel. I personally don’t ever want to be typecast into the “quirky, adorkable” MPDG girl just because it is such a limited understanding of a person and connotes misogyny. Andddd now I’m rambling.) 

There were many, many hilariously serious profiles I found (and apparently, there are also several tumblrs devoted to weird OkCupid profiles! Check them out, but know that some content is probably NSFW. People are sketchy.)

Screen shot 2013-08-05 at 3.07.25 PM

This was one of my favorite little “about me” posts.

I got a LOT of strange messages (and some gross ones which I shall not include), the majority of which I never responded to:

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Still my all time favorite comment. You go, Chris.

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…I’m just confused…what??

Screen shot 2013-07-27 at 4.29.13 PM

Started out okay (bigandfunny IS a worse sn definitely) but then I just got confused based on the grammatical choices in the sentences…

Then there were questions that really helped me out with my research, namely WHY IN THE WORLD did some people say what they said!? This one guy started a great, normal conversation with me and then three messages later, BAM: literally asked me about my preferences for oral sex.

….Seriously? I know that the Internet adds anonymity and thus, eliminates some of the social fear of rejection, but come on.

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Like, how can you tell I’m “different and real” based on a profile? I mean, I’m not THAT convincing of a writer.

...Um? Seriously?

…Um? Seriously?

I'm really not sure why this guy needed to tell me he was Indian. That kind of made me sad to think that he's probably been rejected because of his race, which is just not cool or fair.

I’m really not sure why this guy needed to tell me he was Indian. To be honest, it made me sad to think that he’s probably been rejected because of his race, which is just not cool or fair.

And you also get a lot of “Hey”s and “how r u?”s. Seriously, I’m not even sure how a person ought to respond to that. Online Dating Tip: The BEST messages I ever got were from men who asked me questions about the things I wrote about in my profile. So, please for the love of Cupid, do that. Don’t just compliment or say hi awkwardly.

Then I got…THE STRANGEST MESSAGE IN THE UNIVERSE.

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…WHAT?! Why is this a thing!?

Naturally after, I wondered what would happen if I–a pretty girl–was in turn the creepy one. How would the tables turn? Or would they at all!?

Screen shot 2013-08-05 at 1.47.38 PM

And then I would just message random (and I mean RANDOM) guys and just say “Hi” or “Hi. You are cute.” Sometimes they responded…other times, the creepy factor might have won out. We shall never know.

Findings:

All in all, I had great fun with this experiment. I learned a LOT about the enigmatic world of online dating, had actual genuine (as in, not just “Hi, how are you?”) conversations with some pretty cool guys, and definitely abolished the stigmas in my own head about online dating.

Why are people afraid to online date? Before, I was really nervous I’d be judged or seen as desperate (remember that cat lady post? Yeah…), but everyone I told this idea to was really on board! They thought the satire element was really awesome and plus, many of my friends were just as curious about it all!  I think that ultimately, people are afraid of the stigma. They don’t want to be seen as unable to meet “real life people.” But that’s not true! EVERYONE online dates. I’m not kidding. Even celebrities and other public figures! Online dating is great if you’ve moved to a new city and want to meet new people or if you’re bored with the people in your city already! There’s really no need to be ashamed. 

What are people REALLY looking for on these sites? As I was talking about this experiment to some friends and brought up what I thought was the big, social message–that everyone just wants community–they all groaned at the cheesiness of that idea. But honestly, we do! Everyone wants to find someone or a group of people who they can say “Oh my gosh, me too! I thought I was the only one!” And sometimes, online dating is the easiest way to figure that out! So, I don’t care if that’s trite, I believe it!

Why do people respond the way they do?  Oh my gosh, I have NO idea still. You saw some of those outlandish messages…weirddddd. Internet anonymity and lack of personal accountability really makes people do and say crazy things. Think of all the mean, trollish YouTube commentors. Would they say that to a person IRL? Nope. Would some of those online dating guys say disgusting things to a stranger? Hopefully not.

Online Dating Tip: If you want to try it, go for it! If you’re serious about it: use match.com. If you just want to have fun: OkCupid or Tinder, a new app which somehow I missed in my experiment…Maybe I’ll need to try this all again? ;) 

2007: The Year I Was, Literally, “Crazy In Love.”

Posted in Everyday Life by

Beyonce, I was not.

Everyone has an awkward phase.

For me, it was from 6th grade to…well…let’s say summer before 11th. That’s a long time, y’all. I’m practically the archetype of a late bloomer. I’m still getting over it. Maybe it was due to homeschooling, or because I spent my days reading Christian romance fiction (more on that later) or a result of my iTunes library consisting only of showtunes (which I sang literally 24/7 with the bravado of an aging child star desperate to stay relevant), Christian pop (NEVER PlusOne. They were too hip & worldly for me), and every Cheetah Girls/Disney Channel movie song to ever have been produced.

So, if you haven’t picked up on this yet, let me lay it out for you: I was WAY cool.

By 10th grade, I was in love.

I went to this private, homeschool, hybrid (whatever. It’s hard to explain) school called Veritas Classical Academy. It’s not as pretentious as it sounds, as the “campuses” met in churches, we had to learn Koine Greek, and the headmaster only let male teachers instruct the Bible classes (which, looking back, is kind of upsetting actually…)

Due to my voracious love of Christian romance fiction, I had basically figured out how my love story would play out…and it would be with Chad*, the wise senior in my class. Of course, somehow we’d have to time-travel back to the Western United States in 1864, where he would be a world-weary rancher & I, a free-spirited Eastern schoolteacher escaping a rich fiance, but that’s another story (specifically one you could probably find at any Christian bookstore.)

Chad had it all: a cool yellow car, in-depth understanding of Braves’ baseball, the adoration of our entire class (all 12 of us), a blog all of his own, a favorite band (Switchfoot. This is an important element to the story.) AND a favorite restaurant (which we would all walk to during lunch breaks.) SO much self-actualization, obviously.

…yeah.

And then for the rest of the semester, I was creepy. Like, Helga loving Arnold from Hey Arnold (duh, where else?) creepy.

I scoured his blog every week, soaking up every witty and life-changing post & often peppering the pages with random little comments. Everything he liked, I liked. Switchfoot was now the best band IN THE ENTIRE WORLD to me.

Pretty sure I talked to him literally…4 times. Probably about the weather or Braves games or homework. When I stopped liking him around Christmas of that year for reasons I cannot remember, the break up was pretty hard. I erased every Switchfoot song because it reminded me too much of Chad. (Insert teenage angst.) And forget about seeing yellow cars! I was in pieces! hah.

I got over it pretty fast though because there was a new crush in my sights: a guy named Jonathan from the homeschool football league & my physics class. He was cool, sporty, and apparently only had eyes for my friend. When I found out, I was devastated in the overdramatic 15 year old sort of way. I turned to my only solace: showtunes. I listened to “I’m Not That Girl” from Wicked so many times, it would have made the actual writers of the show regret that they ever wrote it. Everytime I saw a similar car to his, I also fell apart (there’s obviously a connection with all these cars…) A single tear to mourn my broken heart was usually cried too.

I hope you’re imagining this too, the comical, overdramatics of a 15 year old girl who honestly had TOO much time on her hands. My options were study Greek, buy “clever” graphic tees from Charlotte Russe, or obsess over crushes. I love/hate hindsight. It’s so funny to look back at my crazy stories. Of course, the intent of this post isn’t to incur anything but amusement, so don’t think I’m quite as dramatic with guys anymore!

…I’m worse.

(I kid, I kid.)

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent, although why in the WORLD they would be reading my blog is beyond me. Honestly, I just did it for dramatic flair.

5 Types of Girls in LeeU Greek Clubs

Posted in Opinion, Soapbox by

Don’t kill me, ghosts of TKO members past, but this is literally one of the first images that popped up when I searched “Lee University Greek Clubs.”

If you are or ever were a Lee University student, two words can either inspire fond memories or your gag reflex: Greek Clubs. Love them or hate them, they exist (and are actually fantastic when properly run) & will probably die off on the same day Lee installs an on-campus Starbucks or parking garage (So, never.)

A year ago, when I joined mine, I had no earthly clue about any of the Greek subculture; I didn’t even know about inductions. (Yeah. I was that out of it. Imagine a Disney character going into a coal mine. …Okay, weird metaphor.) However, the more & more acquainted I became with the system, the more I realized that, hey, there’s a big pattern in all of this.

The pattern is this: Everyone is the SAME. Yes, there are a few types of personalities that will always & have always been involved in Greek Clubs. No matter when or what club, my theory is that these people are current members:

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.

Continue reading →

Homeschoolers.

Posted in Soapbox by

Last I heard, they’re accepting applications to be a Duggar now.

True Confessions: The greater part of my lower education was enacted through forms of homeschooling (It was a strange hybrid school that was part homeschool, part private school. Now current students have a hilarious sarcastic Twitter account @VeritasProbz, if you want to see what I had to deal with. Of course, you won’t get the jokes, you public schooler, you.)

I’m sure you’re shocked & have a million questions running through your head like: Did you/do you have friends? (Yes/yes)  How can someone as socially and culturally relevant have been homeschooled? (I’m just lucky, I guess!) Was I in a cult? (Nope, but I did go to a  Southern Baptist  megachurch.)  Did I buy into the I Kissed Dating Goodbye cult fad? (I can’t talk about it unless we’re courting.) And the classic: Did I do school in my pajamas? (No way: my mom/the principle ruled with an iron fist. I wasn’t even allowed to do homework while sitting on the couch or my bed. It was either do schoolwork like a pioneer or go to public school/hell.)

However, I learned in my 7 years of homeschooling that there are two distinct types of people:

  1. HomeSCHOOLERS.
  2. the HomeSCHOOLED. Continue reading →

Dating Deal Breakers of Lee University

Posted in Advice, Everyday Life by

A little over a thousand days ago, I was a freshman. Now, I am not, but as a former peer leader, the great responsibility of sharing my vast and extensive research on Lee deal breakers is heavy upon my heart. Freshman girls, these pearls of wisdom will hopefully guard your heart from the same deal breakers as everyone else.

Deal Breakers:

Colossians 3:23 y’all

  1. He doesn’t text you during chapel. OMG, he’s actually listening to the message and worshipping? What is wrong with him!? Everyone knows that chapel is the time to play Temple Run or flirtily text. Duh.

 

  1. He’s not a ministry major.Move over Spanish and French, Koine Greek is obviously the language of love here at Lee. If your crush doesn’t know an alpha from an omega (insert obligatory corny Greek joke about not knowing an iota), you need to drop him like it’s hot.

    Dr. Bowdle knows.

  2. He doesn’t own a hammock. Hammocks are status symbols and often belong to the social elite & top of Lee’s social hierarchy. If he doesn’t own a hammock, most likely he’s actually hanging out with people indoors or even worse, studying. It’s a slippery slope to being associated with someone lame, my friend.

    This is your man…with a hammock.

  3. He doesn’t want to be in a Greek club.  You’ve really got to pray about this one. How will he ever be able to finish his 80 hours of service without being in a Greek service club, the only clubs truly committed to service on campus? It’s literally impossible. Just ask any member of TKO (…Oh wait, you can’t.)
  4. And now for a real one: He longboards.  I’m sorry, long boarders, but wake up from your dream world. Everyone is judging you. Long boards are inefficient means of travel & most likely means that you live in Medlin, arguably the shortest distance to classes.

    Amennnn.