Tag Archives: hope

Why does God have to pull “Aladdin” moments?

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I love when things go perfectly ( aka perfectly my way). Don’t try to deny it, you do too.

Oscar Wilde might have said that “There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”….but reallyyy, is he one to talk? Looking back, there have been things (and relationships, let’s be honest) I’m so glad didn’t work out but that’s hindsight, y’all. When you’re in the moment and you have a “perfect vision” of what you want, it’s really hard to give it all up. 

So I don’t know about you, but I really don’t like when God pulls an “Aladdin.” No, He doesn’t turn me from a street urchin into a princess or even give me a pet monkey (I would definitely prefer a pet raccoon a la “Pocahontas,” hope you all are taking notes on this); I’m talking about those really annoying moments when God interrupts and stops me from doing my own thing with my own (perfectly arranged) timeline and asks “Do you trust me?”

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I mean…yes? No? Mostly yes? Soft no?

I DO trust God. He has been so faithful to me and He really, really loves me a lot. I have a million examples of the Lord’s goodness in my life. His plans always end up blowing mine out of the water. But…waiting for them to happen is hard.

It’s hard to trust God when you feel lonely. Or if your plan seems like the best/only option you can see. Or if you’re tired of waiting around. (Or if you’re turning 23 soon and could’ve SWORN things would be different by now.)

Habakkuk 2:3 reminds me to be a tad more patient: “For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.” Unfortunately God’s timing isn’t like a 30 minute sitcom, where the problem is neatly solved by the third commercial break. 

And you know how I feel about answers: I hate writing something that addresses an issue yet isn’t practically seeking out answers. I think Psalms 37:3, the verse right before the frequently quoted (and hard to define) “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart”, really does help: “Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.” 

Befriend Faithfulness: I love this wording (ESV y’all.) I want to be faithful in the little tiny things, so God can entrust me to be faithful in the BIG stuff. And you know, maybe that’s why God tells us (okay, ME) no & asks me to trust Him and wait.

Maybe I’m not ready yet…but I’m almost there (hopefully. Dang.)

Rejection Theory (or how to make job hunting less horrible)

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rejectionmediumMy least favorite state is Rejection. (Or Arkansas. That’s a pretty boring state to drive though.)

For the majority of my life, this hypersensitivity to rejection has practically crippled me–keeping me from fully participating in life, to say the least. I was so afraid of not being good enough or being someone’s last pick, that I even got a tattoo about it!

I worked SO hard during college to not give anyone any reason to toss me to the side. I tried to always have perfect outfits, look cute all the time, be the favorite employee, work the hardest, be the best in class, be the most liked (–well, to be honest, I never tried to be the nicest person. I definitely fell short on that–sorry everyone who I accidentally made cry. ) It was exhausting and lonely, but I didn’t really notice. I was too busy.

Oh how the tables have changed.

During the past four months I’ve been home, God has really been doing a number on me with this whole “crippling fear of rejection” thing. I’ve been rejected from SO many awesome jobs, a friend who was my very best friend earlier this year, and a few other painful experiences. I felt like a total loser in the beginning, as if my worth was just in what I did.

 I’m no longer afraid. I’ve realized that in life, there’s a finite level of rejection a person has to encounter. Each rejection is just one less the grand sum!

Today I interviewed at a company I would absolutely love to work for. Will I get the job? I have no idea. BUT I do know that if this is a “no,” I’m just one step closer to my “yes!” God bless the broken road that leads me straight to… this job!

I’m glad this has been a summer of rejection. I needed it. If I would’ve gotten a job right away, I wouldn’t have begun to conquer this fear, nor would I have experienced a deeper level of trust in God and His faithfulness.

He is for me–God’s on my team! Rejection is just a change of direction when the Lord’s the one guiding your path.  If you’re going through the same thing, remember that this “no” isn’t the end.

Isaiah 41:9, “I have called you back from the ends of the earth, saying, “You are my servant.” For I have chosen you and will not throw you away!”

TMI Thursday: Best of the Week & 100th post!

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Today I spent the afternoon in Huntsville, Alabama! Very random, very my family. During my 7 years of homeschooling, we went on the MOST obscure, arbitrary field trips in the world–all with good intentions, albeit a few without actual entertainment. So, as all 6 of us sojourned to the Huntsville Space Center, it was like one giant middle school flashback.

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…A great field trip venue for someone who used to have an irrational fear of outer space…

So, for this week’s edition of Too Much Information Thursday, I just have one link. This video deeply was incredibly affecting–In all of my browsing, there has yet to be something that has moved me this much.

Zach Sobiech just passed away 3 days ago from a rare bone cancer, but his story and infectious hope & joy is such a legacy. I wish I could’ve met him. He’s an incredible reminder to everyone that living with purpose is not an end result, but a current mentality.

This video is 20 minutes, but so worth the investment.

Here’s Zach’s original song “Clouds” (which is #1 on iTunes right now!) Listen to this too.

I’m a Loser (…but okay with that.)

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Little_Miss_Sunshine_by_lakikaki

“Little Miss Sunshine” is easily the scariest movie I have ever seen. I know I’m a good six and a half years behind, but I just watched it the other day for the first time and walked away feeling terrified.  I’ll save the effort of explaining the plot (what do you think imdb is for?), but know that one of the key themes is being a loser.  Throughout the film, several dreams and plans of multiple characters are foiled by cold, harsh realities.

As a soon-to-be college grad, the idea of watching my dreams crash and burn before my eyes scares me. Already, I’ve experienced post-grad rejection: I interviewed for the summer internship of my dreams in NYC , made it to the final round of interviews, and was denied (and the funny part is they most likely went with someone younger…read: still in college). “Little Miss Sunshine” was an one hundred and three minute reminder that sometimes you pursue the wrong dream in life and end up feeling like a complete loser.  I really don’t know how to handle losing (just ask anyone who plays a board game with me) and have grown up with the confidence that I’m a winner. But, dealing with rejection is a really fundamental part of becoming a thriving, healthy person. I’ve decided (as of four days ago) that I’m too young to be afraid of it. So I’m won’t be.

And you know what? It’s okay to be a loser.

A loser passionately and intentionally pursues their goal despite the odds.

A loser doesn’t get comfortable and sets up camp where they’re at, but knows there is always room for growth and improvement.

Most of all, a loser makes themselves vulnerable: like Grandpa Edwin in “Little Miss Sunshine” says, “A real loser is someone who’s so afraid of not winning, they don’t even try.”

Maybe someday I’ll rewatch “Little Miss Sunshine” again and not want to disappear in a small hole of sadness, but until then, I’m going to learn to not be afraid to lose. 

 

P.S. In all actuality, “Little Miss Sunshine” is a beautiful, humanizing film.

Getting Lost in Cambridge

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Hands down my favorite avenue in Cambridge.

Hands down my favorite avenue in Cambridge.

Sometimes, you just have to skip class and wander. Tolkien wrote that not all who wander are lost, but given my horrible directional skills, I definitely achieve both simultaneously sometimes.

Armed with my Calvin Klein for Costco rainjacket and a playlist full of Bon Iver, I explored the city center of Cambridge all afternoon, reveling in the beauty of the moment.

#selfie

#selfie #casualthursday

There’s nothing quite like walking down the narrow cobblestone sidewalks of an ancient city, the raindrops falling on your face a reminder of the fact you are alive.

We need more reminders of the fact we are alive. You might be thinking that’s the stupidest, most obvious thing you’ve ever read—we’re alive, no kidding—but when was the last time you did something that made you wholly cognizant of that fact? We are just walking, breathing bundles of dust, living in a world full of self-medication to numb the pain of life. We crave simple moments of beauty, ones which reflect the presence of greater Good in the world, Jesus Christ. To be honest, before this past week, I was still a member of the walking dead. A change of scenery did nothing but add new methods of distraction.  Exploring the tiny harbor town of Howth, Ireland woke me up again (more details to come.)

So much beauty

So much beauty

So, how should you go about with this resuscitation? Do something non-goal oriented/ time frame based by yourself. Go for a walk, explore something, read on your front porch, paint, hike, whatever.

I think one of the biggest obstacles that twenty-somethings face in this whole weird “finding myself” phase is the fear of being alone. Doing any activity alone scares people to death because as it seems to signify the future presence of a glaring neon sign “Forever Alone.” It’s so healthy to be alone. You learn so much about yourself and become a thousand times stronger with this independence.

So go on. Get lost. It’s good for you.

The Thrill of Hope (and a clean slate)

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I wish Banksy would do a piece in…Cleveland, TN.

I am thoroughly convinced that New Year’s Eve is the best celebration of the entire calendar year.

True, Christmas is of course charming and wonderful, but there’s just something about December 31st. The last final flash of magic of the Christmas season thrives on that night. And finally, when the clock strikes twelve, the grandeur of the season is over, only to be replaced by one of the greatest qualities of humanity: hope.

…That tiny spark which ignites within you at the beginning of the year, promising that the best is always yet to come.

New Year’s is blissfully idealistic (sometimes to a fault), offering mystery and allure. After all, who wouldn’t like a clean slate? Perhaps that’s why resolutions are often so aggressive; the hope for complete lifestyle change is too appealing to pass up.

2012, what a year. Twelve little months have held so much heartache and joy, growth and regression, and countless lessons learned.

Everything has changed. Case in point, this time last year I wasn’t even acquaintances with some of my current closest friends! I never thought I’d spend my summer halfway across the country, never dreamed I’d be spending a spring in England, never would have guessed I’d decide to pursue a writing career, never imagined I’d begin running.

I knew nothing of what 2012 held and let’s be honest, I’m even more in the dark about 2013. After graduating, I haven’t a clue. But that’s the beauty of the new year. You don’t have to know, but you must trust in the hope that one day you’ll look back and say “Wow, I worried for nothing. Everything worked out extraordinarily.” God’s got you.

Oscar Wilde was right: “The suspense is terrible. I hope it lasts.”