Rejection Theory (or how to make job hunting less horrible)

rejectionmediumMy least favorite state is Rejection. (Or Arkansas. That’s a pretty boring state to drive though.)

For the majority of my life, this hypersensitivity to rejection has practically crippled me–keeping me from fully participating in life, to say the least. I was so afraid of not being good enough or being someone’s last pick, that I even got a tattoo about it!

I worked SO hard during college to not give anyone any reason to toss me to the side. I tried to always have perfect outfits, look cute all the time, be the favorite employee, work the hardest, be the best in class, be the most liked (–well, to be honest, I never tried to be the nicest person. I definitely fell short on that–sorry everyone who I accidentally made cry. ) It was exhausting and lonely, but I didn’t really notice. I was too busy.

Oh how the tables have changed.

During the past four months I’ve been home, God has really been doing a number on me with this whole “crippling fear of rejection” thing. I’ve been rejected from SO many awesome jobs, a friend who was my very best friend earlier this year, and a few other painful experiences. I felt like a total loser in the beginning, as if my worth was just in what I did.

 I’m no longer afraid. I’ve realized that in life, there’s a finite level of rejection a person has to encounter. Each rejection is just one less the grand sum!

Today I interviewed at a company I would absolutely love to work for. Will I get the job? I have no idea. BUT I do know that if this is a “no,” I’m just one step closer to my “yes!” God bless the broken road that leads me straight to… this job!

I’m glad this has been a summer of rejection. I needed it. If I would’ve gotten a job right away, I wouldn’t have begun to conquer this fear, nor would I have experienced a deeper level of trust in God and His faithfulness.

He is for me–God’s on my team! Rejection is just a change of direction when the Lord’s the one guiding your path.  If you’re going through the same thing, remember that this “no” isn’t the end.

Isaiah 41:9, “I have called you back from the ends of the earth, saying, “You are my servant.” For I have chosen you and will not throw you away!”

“I choose to risk my significance”

Well, hey y’all! I just got back from a “Sabbatical” in Dallas and it sure was wonderful! I stayed away from my phone and social media to just really be present and soak up whatever I felt like God wanted me to hear! And it rocked. Naturally. I mean, you might argue that sabbaticals belong only to old men pastors but you’ve OBVIOUSLY never taken a sabbatical yourself. It’s scary to be quiet and still–you don’t know what you might hear in the void. But I promise it’s worth it.

One thing I found this week was a poem that has completely shocked my senses. These few lines are exactly what I need to hear on a daily basis.

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

-dawn markova

Here we are now, entertain us.

I want this.

What in the world am I doing with my life?

…Yes, working at ad agency, thanks Captain Obvious.

But what about the big picture?

I’ve been reading SO many great essayists lately like Malcolm Gladwell, Nora Ephron, David Sedaris, etc and honestly, I would love to write like that someday. Having a book/memoir/collection of essays (semantics) would be my dream. All I want to do is travel places, eat local cuisine, and write essays. Really.

I love this quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald in his short story “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (familiar to the masses thanks to that 876 hour Brad Pitt beauty shot fest):

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

Although I’m utterly unsure about my future (as every 20-something in all of history ever was (minus heiresses because they don’t count)), I have unshakeable hope, free from doubt. I know God’s plans for me are perfect and directed. It’s beautiful.

I want sin.

“But I like the inconveniences.”
“We don’t,” said the Controller. “We prefer to do things comfortably.”
“But I don’t want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.”
“In fact,” said Mustapha Mond, “you’re claiming the right to be unhappy.”
“All right then,” said the Savage defiantly, “I’m claiming the right to be unhappy.”
 From Aldous Huxley’s  Brave New World

I first read Brave New World in 10th grade and thought it was absolutely the strangest, most depraved thing I had ever read. Upon rediscovering it a year ago, I’m absolutely fascinated by it and especially this bit of dialogue.

Doesn’t it just say so much about the human condition? In America, everything is about comfort and ease–the new American dream, if you will. But is all of that comfort just a panacea to coverup the real and frightening urge that we crave danger? We want God, poetry, love, freedom, goodness, adventure, sin and for all of time, we keep ripping off the proverbial bandage of safety to get what we want. You cannot believe anything or love anyone comfortably or safely.  But yet, contradictorily, we only want a small amount of “inconveniences” before the consequences set in. Why do we keep turning back to comfort and ease to protect ourselves from the possible heartache of actually feeling and living a full and abundant life?

We are unhappy paradoxes.

(If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m somewhat of an existentialist and exponentially more so at 1:24 am.)

Dating Deal Breakers of Lee University

A little over a thousand days ago, I was a freshman. Now, I am not, but as a former peer leader, the great responsibility of sharing my vast and extensive research on Lee deal breakers is heavy upon my heart. Freshman girls, these pearls of wisdom will hopefully guard your heart from the same deal breakers as everyone else.

Deal Breakers:

Colossians 3:23 y’all

  1. He doesn’t text you during chapel. OMG, he’s actually listening to the message and worshipping? What is wrong with him!? Everyone knows that chapel is the time to play Temple Run or flirtily text. Duh.


  1. He’s not a ministry major.Move over Spanish and French, Koine Greek is obviously the language of love here at Lee. If your crush doesn’t know an alpha from an omega (insert obligatory corny Greek joke about not knowing an iota), you need to drop him like it’s hot.

    Dr. Bowdle knows.

  2. He doesn’t own a hammock. Hammocks are status symbols and often belong to the social elite & top of Lee’s social hierarchy. If he doesn’t own a hammock, most likely he’s actually hanging out with people indoors or even worse, studying. It’s a slippery slope to being associated with someone lame, my friend.

    This is your man…with a hammock.

  3. He doesn’t want to be in a Greek club.  You’ve really got to pray about this one. How will he ever be able to finish his 80 hours of service without being in a Greek service club, the only clubs truly committed to service on campus? It’s literally impossible. Just ask any member of TKO (…Oh wait, you can’t.)
  4. And now for a real one: He longboards.  I’m sorry, long boarders, but wake up from your dream world. Everyone is judging you. Long boards are inefficient means of travel & most likely means that you live in Medlin, arguably the shortest distance to classes.