For the majority of my life, this hypersensitivity to rejection has practically crippled me–keeping me from fully participating in life, to say the least. I was so afraid of not being good enough or being someone’s last pick, that I even got a tattoo about it!
I worked SO hard during college to not give anyone any reason to toss me to the side. I tried to always have perfect outfits, look cute all the time, be the favorite employee, work the hardest, be the best in class, be the most liked (–well, to be honest, I never tried to be the nicest person. I definitely fell short on that–sorry everyone who I accidentally made cry. ) It was exhausting and lonely, but I didn’t really notice. I was too busy.
Oh how the tables have changed.
During the past four months I’ve been home, God has really been doing a number on me with this whole “crippling fear of rejection” thing. I’ve been rejected from SO many awesome jobs, a friend who was my very best friend earlier this year, and a few other painful experiences. I felt like a total loser in the beginning, as if my worth was just in what I did.
I’m no longer afraid. I’ve realized that in life, there’s a finite level of rejection a person has to encounter. Each rejection is just one less the grand sum!
Today I interviewed at a company I would absolutely love to work for. Will I get the job? I have no idea. BUT I do know that if this is a “no,” I’m just one step closer to my “yes!” God bless the broken road that leads me straight to… this job!
I’m glad this has been a summer of rejection. I needed it. If I would’ve gotten a job right away, I wouldn’t have begun to conquer this fear, nor would I have experienced a deeper level of trust in God and His faithfulness.
He is for me–God’s on my team! Rejection is just a change of direction when the Lord’s the one guiding your path. If you’re going through the same thing, remember that this “no” isn’t the end.
Isaiah 41:9, “I have called you back from the ends of the earth, saying, “You are my servant.” For I have chosen you and will not throw you away!”