5 Relationship Types at Lee University

Let’s be honest: I love making fun of the Lee University subculture. When I leave, I’m definitely going to experience a blog identity crisis because who will I write about anymore? I’ll just have to incorporate these past four years into a TV pilot or funny memoir.  (Or just start attending the seminary down the street. I’ve heard it’s #PHENOM.)

Has anyone else noticed the amount of new relationships across Lee’s campus these days? It’s downright excessive. With all the “talking” that’s going around, you’d think we lived in an episode of “Christian Gossip Girl.”  While the phenomenon of talking and ring by spring seems typical to the Christian college circuit, Lee University also typifies these 5 classic relationship models.

 NOTE: Any resemblance to real couples, still dating or not, isn’t coincidental at all, actually. But don’t try to assign yourselves to a model because I will not admit the truth.

If only they were FBO…

1. The “They’re dating?!” couple: Call me old-fashioned, but a FBO (Facebook Official) status is vital these days. Why wouldn’t you want to declare that you’re off the market to your 864 friends, keeping creepy guys or obsessive girls from preying on you? The “They’re dating!?” couple is obviously not FBO and is rarely actually seen together. You typically find out that Sally & Joe are not only dating, but have been together for 2.4 years…when they get engaged. Moral: Being enigmatic about your relationship status is so 2010.

These types of pictures also show up a lot on Facebook for this couple.

2. The gross PDA couple: Ew. Please get a room* because NOBODY WANTS TO WALK INTO (insert public place) AND SEE YOU MAKING OUT. (I hear the Applegate Inn down Apd 40 has a lot of vacancies.) Excessive physical PDA is one thing, but sometimes Social Media PDA is even worse. Tweets like “@Joe is such a babe and I’m so proud to be his woman #XOXOX (insert love emoji)” or profile pictures that showcase a little too much love (Those makeout pictures have got to stop, people) are intolerable.

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

3. The weird couple: Nobody will say this to his or her face, which is downright horrible, but this couple is just a little misplaced. These relationships seemingly come out of left field and leave all mutual friends in a daze, as it’s like a Disney movie waiting to happen. Beauty & the Beast? The mermaid & the human? The frog & the princess? The Theta guy & the Ladies of Lee girl? The hipster & the soccer player? Nobody saw it coming. As a rule, I give it 4 months.

Quick, which Greek clubs would Barbie & Ken be in?

4. The Lee power couple: As if emerging from the dreams of matchmaking faculty like Mike Hayes or Phil Cook, the Power Couple IS Lee University. Every single quintessential Lee cliché you could think of is fulfilled in the Power Couple. They met in line for their Deke Day shirts, coincidentally were in the same Gateway class, and have been seriously dating ever since. Not only are they both musically gifted, but also are in two Greek clubs apiece, were peer leaders, founders of the Prayer Group, and look like supermodels every day. Instead of sending out Voices of Lee to prospective student meetings, the Admissions Office just sends out the Power Couple. And of course they’re getting married in the Lee chapel; they already booked the date! Someday, their kids will come here and beg DZT/Sigma and Chi/Upsilon to let them in too, as they are legacies and because their parents are now current faculty. It’s the circle of life, y’all.

One bad tweet away from an explosion.

5. The Ticking Time Bomb: This couple is a disastrous breakup waiting to happen. Typically, you can tell by these early warning signs: clinginess, obsessive tendencies, matching outfits, referring to the other solely as “my boyfriend/girlfriend” and not by given Christian name, switching majors just to be near to him/her…It’s going to be BAD. Brace yourself for months and months of Adele lyric statuses, passive aggressive subtweets, and emo retweets from “@LoveAdvice.” But usually, mysteriously, this couple gets back together…only for the cycle to repeat again and again. Is the Ticking Time Bomb couple’s relationship harder on themselves or on their mutual friends? The jury is definitely still out on that.

(*…Community Covenant…)

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One thought on “5 Relationship Types at Lee University

  1. Pingback: Dear Accidental Extrovert, Happy Anniversary! | The Accidental Extrovert

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